Abusive Dad Mellows Out Into Emotionally Abusive Grandpa

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SALINA, KS—Calling the change a minor improvement, family members acknowledged Wednesday that abusive dad Skip Pincombe had mellowed out into an emotionally abusive grandpa. “Growing up, Dad would beat our ass if we stepped a toe out of line, but age has softened him to the point where he’s like a totally different emotionally abusive man to his grandkids,” said Richard Pincombe, who, along with his siblings, was surprised by his father’s transformation from physically imposing tyrant to frail but still viciously mean hard-ass. “My own kids are always shocked to hear their little old Poppop used to strike me with a leather belt any time I talked back. They only know him as the hateful prick slumped over in his favorite chair screaming that they’re lazy and ungrateful bastards. I think getting older has given Dad some perspective on the fact that he’s too weak to survive a fist fight and that he can hurt us just as bad using his words instead.” Pincombe’s family also speculated to reporters that the septuagenarian may just be depressed because Grandma isn’t around to hit anymore.