PASADENA, CA—Noting that his initial booking didn’t say anything about the additional charge, local man Patrick Reyes told reporters Friday he was annoyed when his Airbnb bill included a survival fee. “What the hell, they just charged me $129.99 out of nowhere and said that unless I paid, I wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house alive,’” said Reyes, who added that the fee was mandatory and included stipulations that occupants would be charged a set rate for every single night they spent in the property if they wished to avoid being viciously murdered. “Ugh, this place is such a shit-hole that, frankly, at this point, I’m fine getting shot or stabbed or chopped up if I can save a little cash. Why didn’t I just stay in a hotel? At least their survival fees are all included.” At press time, Reyes told reporters he was panicking after his Airbnb account showed a negative review from his host with a photo of his bloodied corpse.
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