QUETTA, PAKISTAN—Seeking to set the minds of Americans at ease as they prepared to commemorate the deadly act of terrorism, Al-Qaeda released a statement Wednesday reassuring the nation that a 9/11 anniversary attack would a little cheesy. “Frankly, it seems a bit on the nose for us to do another big terrorist attack on September 11th,” said group leader Ayman al-Zawahiri, stressing that junior members of Al-Qaeda would occasionally bring up the idea of striking at America on 9/11—or even bombing the World Trade Center again—before being told the idea was unoriginal and already all over Twitter. “Don’t get me wrong, we’ve obviously thought about it. And it’s not like we couldn’t pull it off. But we just hold ourselves to a higher standard of creativity. Also, what are we going to do on anniversaries after this one? Just keep bombing America on the thirtieth? The fortieth? When does it end?” The terrorist leader went on to emphasize that whenever they did choose to strike, absolutely no one would see it coming.