MONTGOMERY, AL—Defending the measure as necessary to fully eliminate the practice of terminating pregnancies, Alabama Gov. Kay Ivey signed a bill Friday cracking down on abortions by outlawing all medical procedures in the state. “The only way to ensure that not a single abortion ever takes place in the state of Alabama is to close all hospitals and bar all doctors from practicing medicine,” said Ivey, explaining that it’s not up to a handful of doctors and medical professionals to play God and determine if someone should survive any given health condition, and that contracting any disease whatsoever could carry a maximum sentence of 99 years behind bars. “Human beings were never meant to interfere and subvert God’s divine plans, whether that be a pregnancy, arthritis, cancer, schizophrenia, infection, hypertension, the stomach flu, or even a common cold. It’s simply not our place to decide who lives and who dies, so we must no longer allow treatment for any illness or injury.” At press time, approximately 2,611,489 Alabamans had already died.