AUSTIN, TX—Cautioning against the devastating effects of abandoning the daily regimen of essential vitamins and minerals, radio host Alex Jones warned his fans Tuesday that quitting his supplements cold turkey could lead to homosexuality and Judaism. “Folks, if you miss even one day of your Anthroplex or Survival Shield X-2, you’re immediately going to start feeling Jewish, gay, or worse,” said the beleaguered InfoWars founder and staunch male virility advocate, emphasizing to his loyal followers that if their bodies were deprived of certain vital testosterone-enhancing products, dangerous symptoms of Deep State–adjacent illnesses could manifest just 72 hours after one’s last dosage. “Remember, your body requires these supplements in order to function properly. Without them, it will begin to completely shut down—the globalist levels in your bloodstream will shoot up, your tolerance for other people will skyrocket, and soon you’ll be attending a trans visibility march with a college-educated platonic female friend before lighting a menorah to kick off a gay orgy at Barack Obama’s house.” Jones added that anyone who did not take the supplements regularly would be better off with the mercy of a quick death by drinking an 8-ounce glass of fluoridated water.
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