47 U. MAJORIS STAR SYSTEM—Roughly 18 months after discovering the collection of common Earth sounds contained on the golden record placed aboard the Voyager probe NASA launched in 1977, extraterrestrial Richard Ellinger, 237, admitted Friday he still hasn't gotten around to listening to the whole thing. "The wind, rain, and surf sounds are pretty cool, but I usually sort of zone out when it gets to the crickets chirping, and then I just end up turning it off," said Ellinger, adding that he will sometimes put the record on as background noise when he's cleaning his electro-biological habitat. "And to be totally honest, I almost always skip that track with the mother kissing her baby. It's like, 'Who cares?' you know?" Ellinger said he plans on taking a few things he likes off the record—such as the traditional Peruvian wedding song, the humpback whale calls, and the tractor noises—and throwing them on a mix with some Elvis Costello classics.
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