WASHINGTON—Gushing excitedly about their favorite woman in the entire solar system, extraterrestrials from Galaxy 588x43 reportedly asked during their first contact Thursday when they could meet Diana, Princess of Wales. “Greetings, people of Earth, we come in peace, and wish nothing more than to meet our idol, the illustrious Princess Di,” said the aliens, who, after entering Earth’s atmosphere and hovering their spaceship directly above the White House, sent several transmissions in which they swooned over their favorite member of the British royal family. “Oh, Princess Diana! We traveled millions of light-years to meet her! Between her wit, grace, and kindness, there is simply no one better. Look, we have her Beanie Baby. And we even got our hair cut to look just like her! She must be the queen of your planet, no? Now, take us to her!” At press time, the aliens let out an ear-splitting screech, activated their spaceship’s laser cannons, and vaporized the entire Eastern Seaboard after government officials sheepishly admitted that Diana died in 1997.
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