DAYTON, OH—Growing increasingly discouraged while scrolling through the wedding website for college friends Kevin Fisher and Allison Scully, local 25-year-old Rob Hoffman expressed his frustration to reporters Thursday that all the cheapest items on the couple’s registry had already been purchased. “Of course someone grabbed that bath towel set right away, but you’d think there would at least be something here—wok utensils or a Crock-Pot—that was still under a hundred bucks,” said Hoffman, who added with concern that every item from Bed Bath & Beyond in the pictorial list was now grayed out, along with the handful of affordable options on their Sur La Table registry. “I should have bought that vegetable slicer a few days ago when I had the chance. At this rate, I’m going to end up spending, like, $200 minimum on them. Jesus.” At press time, Hoffman had refreshed the page to discover the only remaining options were now the $349 Nespresso VertuoLine Espresso Maker and a 40-piece china set.
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