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Amazon Transfers Insubordinate Employee To Shifts Working In Solitary Warehouse

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ROCKFORD, IL—Tossing the 29-year-old man into the sprawling, empty facility and slamming the steel security door shut, Amazon transferred an insubordinate employee to shifts working in a solitary warehouse, sources confirmed Thursday. “The wellbeing of our employees will always be Amazon’s number-one priority, which is why we recently moved an employee who was struggling to meet productivity goals to an isolated fulfillment center where he will be better able focus on his goals,” said Amazon spokesperson Jocelyn Norris, who explained that the building’s lack of windows, other workers, and stimulus outside of the thousands and thousands of orders that needed packed and processed made the 800,000-square-foot warehouse the perfect distraction-free space. “We think a few months in the solitary warehouse will be a highly effective way of teaching this employee to take his work more seriously. For his safety, the walls are padded, and he will not be permitted to process orders for dangerous products like bed sheets. By the end of this, hopefully he’ll think twice next time before checking his phone on the floor.” At press time, Amazon had responded to critics with a statement confirming that the man was earning $18 an hour.