SHAKOPEE, MN—Bursting through a set of doors only to discover yet another windowless stockroom stretching out ahead of them, Amazon workers attempting a walkout Monday entered the seventh hour of wandering an ever-expanding, labyrinthian warehouse. “The strike was supposed to start at 9 a.m., but when we attempted to leave the building, all the lights went out and the employee entrance somehow morphed into a blank wall,” said stocker Alison Hull, expressing concern that the warehouse was changing in response to their movements, based on the sounds of moaning steel and grinding concrete coming from the shadows as they trudged through a never-ending row of industrial shelving. “At one point, we saw an exit sign in the distance, but the faster we ran towards it, the further away it seemed. Then we finally found an office door, but when we stepped through it, we were in the warehouse again except we were standing on the ceiling. I’ve completely lost track of time and I’m scared because my coworker Bryce disappeared after ducking behind a pallet. We can hear his screams for help coming from beneath the floor.” At press time, the striking employees were horrified to find themselves back at their work stations in a completely ordinary Amazon warehouse, waiting for their Monday morning shift to begin.
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