
DETROIT—Delivering a crushing blow to the traditional beliefs and practices held by men nationwide, sources confirmed Thursday that American masculinity faced an existential threat after a meeting at Dynatech Telecommunication in which local employee Mark Taylor was asked by coworkers to maybe be nicer sometimes. “Hey, Mark, would you mind letting Abby finish what she was saying before you jump in?” said team leader Francis Wu, reminding him to be “a little more respectful” of his coworkers in a direct assault on the the pillars of male identity stretching back centuries from the original American pioneers through to the Old West’s cattle drivers and up until the modern-day hunting and mixed martial arts of podcaster Joe Rogan. “I think the room would just feel a little more relaxed if you try to take a deep breath and keep things a bit more even-keeled. Alright, bud? Sorry if that’s too much. Just a suggestion.” At press time, sources confirmed that a thousand year reign of femininity and estrogen had been inaugurated after Taylor was told that he also occasionally repeated the ideas of female coworkers as if they were his own.