WASHINGTON—Struggling as they were handcuffed and removed from their homes, three American citizens recently freed from North Korea were sent back to Pyongyang Thursday after denuclearization talks between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un fell through. “Unfortunately, so long as the aforementioned Nuclear Summit remains cancelled, the United States cannot keep any of our hostages in good faith,” said Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, while across the country, American special forces apprehended the former prisoners, instructed them to say goodbye to their loved ones, and boarded them on a one-way flight to North Korea. “Of course, should talks resume, the U.S. would be thrilled to take our citizens back from this dangerous regime. But until then, the most ethical thing we can do as a country is hold up our end of the bargain and return these men to the labor camps from which they were freed.” At press time, Pompeo confirmed the hostages’ return would only improve the president’s chances of winning a Nobel Peace Prize.

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