WASHINGTON—After revelations emerged regarding the online retailer’s cutthroat office environment, Americans across the nation expressed outrage Wednesday that Amazon’s punishing workplace culture had yet to result in same-day shipping for every single available product. “They have 50,000 employees working 85 hours a week, and I still have to wait at least until tomorrow to receive my Pacific Rim DVD?” said Chelmsford, MA resident Jordan Krause, who was among the millions of customers shocked to learn that same-day shipping was not a universal feature of all Amazon merchandise despite the company’s alleged harsh and exploitative workplace culture. “Employees hardly have any time to see their children, but somehow they can’t get me everything I want the very day I want it? What kind of company are they running over there? Bet I’ll also have to sit around a full 24 hours for this electric shaver even though everyone at Amazon is crying at their desk from exhaustion—yep.” At press time, Krause had grudgingly placed his order, even as he wondered how such a hopelessly inefficient company had managed to stay in business this long.
More from The Onion