Illustration for article titled Americans React With Indifference After First Case Of Coronavirus Spreading To Pet Ferret

HASTINGS-ON-HUDSON, NY—Acknowledging that it certainly wasn’t a good thing but there were more pressing matters, Americans across the country reacted with indifference Friday following reports of the first case of Covid-19 spreading to a pet ferret. “Huh, how about that,” said Sandra Goetz, 34, echoing the sentiments of 325 million Americans who met the news of the species-to-species transmission with a halfhearted shrug. “I hate to ever hear that any living thing is suffering, but I’m not exactly going to lose any sleep over a few of those mean, smelly-ass weasels getting sick. I’m just praying the virus doesn’t spread to something good like a bunny or a chinchilla.” At press time, Americans across the country admitted they’d assumed those disgusting domesticated polecats were already rife with every disease imaginable.

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