Americans React With Indifference After First Case Of Coronavirus Spreading To Pet Ferret

Illustration for article titled Americans React With Indifference After First Case Of Coronavirus Spreading To Pet Ferret

HASTINGS-ON-HUDSON, NY—Acknowledging that it certainly wasn’t a good thing but there were more pressing matters, Americans across the country reacted with indifference Friday following reports of the first case of Covid-19 spreading to a pet ferret. “Huh, how about that,” said Sandra Goetz, 34, echoing the sentiments of 325 million Americans who met the news of the species-to-species transmission with a halfhearted shrug. “I hate to ever hear that any living thing is suffering, but I’m not exactly going to lose any sleep over a few of those mean, smelly-ass weasels getting sick. I’m just praying the virus doesn’t spread to something good like a bunny or a chinchilla.” At press time, Americans across the country admitted they’d assumed those disgusting domesticated polecats were already rife with every disease imaginable.

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