Americans Who Still Haven’t Made Up Their Mind Gather In Massive Demonstration To Express Ambivalence

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WASHINGTON—Giving voice to their uncertainty in a historic display of civic indecision, tens of thousands of Americans who still haven’t made up their minds joined a massive demonstration on the National Mall Thursday to express their ambivalence. “We don’t feel strongly one way or another, and we demand to be heard!” said Jeffrey Cornell, a 41-year-old demonstrator from Cleveland who used a megaphone to lead chants of “There are a lot of pros and cons here” and “It’s hard to offer a definitive yes or no” as he marched alongside the teeming throng of wavering citizens. “We would like to do more research on the subject before making up our minds, so if anyone has any pertinent reading, please send it our way! Frankly, we have heard a lot of good points on all sides, and at the end of the day, this seems like a nuanced issue that may not have a clear-cut, simplistic answer!” At press time, the irresolute activists announced it was time to stop deliberating over what they think, and time to start hesitating over what actions they should take.