Andrew McCabe Spending Few Days As Congressional Bathroom Attendant To Satisfy Pension Requirements

Illustration for article titled Andrew McCabe Spending Few Days As Congressional Bathroom Attendant To Satisfy Pension Requirements

WASHINGTON—Wearing a double-breasted tuxedo vest and black bowtie while sitting next to the sinks in the U.S. Capitol men’s room, recently-fired FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe reportedly plans to spend the next three days as a congressional bathroom attendant to satisfy his pension requirements, sources confirmed Monday. “Senator Cruz, looking very sharp today, sir—Can I offer you anything? Hot towel? Breath mint?” said the former senior intelligence official, rising from a tall wooden stool, unfolding a white handkerchief, and displaying a rolling suitcase containing an array of colognes, mouthwash, and chewing gum before turning to greet a congressman hurrying into a nearby stall. “Let me get that hot water going for you, Mr. Burr. By the way, how’s the probe going? Ha-ha, very good, sir. And you have a very nice day.” At press time, McCabe had taken a break from scrubbing urinals in order to count up the nearly $4.50 in tips he had made over the course of the day.