CUPERTINO, CA—Expressing fear that the Silicon Valley giant may be running out of ideas, the nation’s Apple fans expressed disappointment Wednesday after the company once again unveiled the exact same overpriced CEO that barely fucking works. “I’ve come to expect a certain degree of innovation from Apple, but now they just trot out the same damn CEO every year, one that doesn’t do anything new or different,” said computer technician Adam Beverly, echoing the sentiment of millions of Apple devotees nationwide, who lamented that the chief executive has “really slowed down” over time and “looks more dated than ever.” “They want me to consider this an upgrade when hardly anything has changed. He has all the same specifications as the 2012 model—same height, weight, and build—but somehow he costs more than ever before. It’s frustrating to watch, ’cause I remember when they used to have the most cutting-edge CEO.” Industry experts observed that Apple may have difficult times ahead if the company doesn’t manage to come up with an innovative new CEO by next year.
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