SIBERIA, RUSSIA—Hailing it as among the most intact and substantial Paleolithic-era finds ever unearthed, a team of archaeologists from University College Dublin announced Wednesday the discovery of an ancient human femur that could make a rich, mouthwatering broth. “Based on our preliminary analysis, this thighbone dates back some 65,000 years and appears to be ideal for preparing an enticing, flavorful soup stock that’s hearty and delicious,” said Dr. Harold Brecht, adding that after slowly simmering the recently unearthed prehistoric bone with some sea salt, aromatic vegetables, and a bay leaf, one would have the beginnings of a tasty broth that was at once savory and delicate. “We’ve also found significant evidence that strongly suggests this early femur could be roasted for extra depth of flavor and then tossed into a crock pot with carrots, parsnips, potatoes, and two to three pounds of beef shank for a robust stew that would be delightful on a chilly day. Maybe with some nice, crusty bread to dip in it, too.” Brecht added that he and his research team would have more than enough soup base to last through the winter provided they are able to excavate the remainder of the early human’s skeleton.
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