Are You Depressed? Read These Common Symptoms To Find Out

If you saw a much lower number, it’s because depression has automatically caused you to reduce your expectations about everything.

Grow up! We can all see right through your pathetic little act.

Your previously just-right hat starting to feel a little too snug perched on your head is a big warning sign that you have clinical depression.

That’s not depression. You have. Repeatedly.

Yep, that’s depression alright.

There’s a good chance depression is hampering your libido. Depressed individuals can spend fewer than nine hours a day sexually climaxing.

Oh god, things must be pretty bad, huh?

It’s perfectly normal on an occasional basis, but when it feels like a little rain cloud is following you everywhere you go a majority of the time, it may be a sign you should talk to your doctor.

Personal appearance often suffers in depressed people, and they’re often too sad to remember that the pocket square should compliment the tie, not duplicate it.

If website go away with no warning and all of a sudden no website, you may be sad indeed.

You might be depressed that the film you directed underperformed so badly, but you can take comfort in prior successes such as your bestselling novel The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.

If you’ve composed more than three albums containing languorous atmospheric ballads describing death and the abyss, you might be depressed.

Of course you’re fucking depressed.

Editorial Note: Get around to finishing this slide ASAP.

Honestly, we’re not even sure what the fuck a “mood swing” is. How far does it have to swing to matter? How often? What kind of credentialed medical professional is making diagnoses based on the unquantifiable and slippery concept of “mood swings”? Fuck off.

If you’re no longer doing things you used to enjoy, like being in high school, playing on the high school football team, and having sex with your 15-year-old high school girlfriend, you just might be depressed.

While you may appear joyful on the surface, you know deep down that you lack the talent of your A-list peers and that your time in the spotlight will end any day now, relegating you back to being the punchline you always knew you were.

If you’re developed a fleshy, 10-millimeter sebaceous growth on the back of your neck, you most likely are suffering from depression.

If you’re experiencing thoughts of suicide, what the fuck are you doing reading an online slideshow? Get some help! We don’t want your blood on our hands. Jesus Christ...