NEWTON, KS—Auto salesman Royce Flankingston—known to frequently question waitstaff as to whether or not food is "actually" spicy, always ordering the spiciest dish on any menu, and then complaining that it is not spicy enough—recently renewed his commitment to being the spicy food aficionado in his group of friends. "Jalapeños, habañeros, those are some weak-sauce peppers, man—you got anything spicy in that salsa?" Flankingston asked his fellow Chrysler dealership employees at a company picnic last weekend, to which he brought his own sampler selection of hot sauces and dared everyone present to try them. "The famous asbestos Flankingston tongue doesn't notice anything under 10,000 Scoville units, so spare me that Heinz ketchup stuff, okay, buds?" Those close to Flankingston said that, while obnoxious, his latest obsession isn't half as bad as when he attempted to be the small-batch bourbon guy.
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