OGDEN, UT—During the medal ceremony for the women's 100-meter hurdles, 34-year-old Richard Bowen announced that he could totally design a much cooler Olympic podium, living room sources confirmed Friday. "It's just a stupid purple stand with a little step on it for the winner," Bowen said of the current podium, which he described as "super lame," claiming he could "whip up a way better one in no time." "I'd make it curvy on the side parts for one thing, kind of like a big wavy 'W,' and the first-place guy would be up way higher so that he stands out more. And I'd put bigger golden rings on the front with some badass green flames going around them, too." As of press time, Bowen was sketching up a few original ideas that would "blow that dumb Olympic-ring logo right out of the water" by adding "a bunch more circles."