Area Man Fantasized About For One And Only Time In His Life

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KILLEEN, TX—In a singular and anomalous break in his lifelong absence from the wandering thoughts of humanity at large, systems analyst Steven Laposata, 34, was momentarily fantasized about for a period of roughly 15 seconds late Monday. Daydream sources confirmed that Laposata’s coworker and remote acquaintance Alexandra Katos idly and momentarily entertained the idea of personal intimacy with Laposata, experiencing a brief and disjointed flurry of thoughts that will forever serve as the sole incidence in Laposata’s eventual 82 years of life during which anyone has or shall consider him as an object of desire. Moreover, the 15-second period, of which Laposata is and will always be utterly unaware, quickly faded into a sequence of ruminations during which Katos thought of a series of much more romantically and erotically appealing individuals. At press time, Laposata was currently serving as an object of disgust for another three to five people and a cipher-like figure of indifference to dozens more.