LUBBOCK, TX—Offering up an apology moments after snapping at a coworker Tuesday, local claims adjuster Ryan Tuttle reportedly explained to his colleague that he’s just in a bad mood because he didn’t get enough sleep the night before and he’s a generally terrible human being. “I didn’t mean to get so frustrated with you in that meeting—to be honest, I’m just really drowsy and innately insufferable,” said Tuttle to his slighted coworker, adding that he tends to lash out when he hasn’t slept well or even briefly considered the feelings of those around him. “Look, you know I wouldn’t have yelled at you if I had been endowed with the slightest bit of empathy and got a full night of sleep. We’ve all been there, right? Sometimes exhaustion and being a fundamentally despicable individual at heart just brings out the worst in me.” At press time, Tuttle was heard mentioning that he needed some caffeine to boost his energy and to get back to his regular level of detestability.

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