Area Man Lives Vicariously Through Son's Bully

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CARPENTERSVILLE, IL—Mike Zerbe, 39, father of bullied son Timmy Zerbe, 8, expressed avid interest in the fighting stance and other qualities of 9-year-old playground tormentor Josh Kalish.

"Wow, sounds like this kid is pretty beefy," Zerbe said upon hearing how Kalish rubbed his shy, undersized son's face repeatedly into the mud and forced him to say "I'm a gay girl" in front of several of his peers. "Bet he's got a good punch for someone his age, too. Bam! Probably a linebacker on that Pop Warner team your mom won't let me sign you up for, huh?"

Immediately after hearing the story of the bully's attack from his tearful son, Zerbe phoned Kalish's father to demand that the two meet to discuss the situation over a game of pool at a local tavern.