Area Man Released After Being Wrongfully Employed For 9 Years

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RICHMOND, VA—In response to mounting evidence showing that he never should have been in there in the first place, administrators at KDM Marketing officially released 34-year-old account manager Alex Olmstead today after nine years of being wrongfully employed. “After nearly a decade inside KDM’s sales division with absolutely no justifiable cause, Alex has finally been let go,” said coworker Jason Woodworth, adding that a vocal and passionate contingent of people familiar with Olmstead’s situation have been advocating for his release on grounds that he had never done anything to warrant his continuous employment at the marketing firm since early 2006. “Honestly, it’s been a long time coming—he didn’t deserve to be there for a day, let alone nine years. The fact that he was in that position to begin with is a terrible indictment of the entire hiring system that somehow allowed this to happen. But he’s out now, and hopefully he can just move on with his life at this point.” Reached for comment, Olmstead told reporters he plans to spend time with his wife and two children, but expressed concern that he might never be able to find stable work in the future given his record.