MT. HOREB, WI—Enumerating what he admitted was quite a wide array of interests, local man Thomas Hoyer revealed to reporters Thursday that his favorite things are all types of meat. “I really think people should try to live life to the fullest and focus on what they love most—for me, that’s a nice marbled steak, buffalo wings, pulled pork, and breakfast sausage,” said Hoyer, who bypassed such common categories of interests as spending time with loved ones, traveling, and viewing various forms entertainment in favor of pastimes that included spiral-sliced ham and several types of ribs. “And nothing beats a good burger, or a beer-simmered bratwurst, or a perfect medium-rare sirloin, or sirloin tips. And gyros, thick-cut bacon, and salami—oh, and lamb. Lobster tails, too.” At press time, Hoyer added, “Jamaican jerk chicken.”
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