HOUSTON—Observing that the man in question used seven crosswalks at a minimum on any given day, local sources confirmed Wednesday local pedestrian Brian Jennings, 33, has become obsessed with crossing the street. “At the last intersection, he put a lot of time and effort, relatively speaking, into crossing a street east-to-west—yet he had just crossed an intersecting street in south-to-north direction literally moments before! Where does this sort of behavior end?” said onlookers regarding the pedestrian, whose unknown motives for street-crossing have led him to cross avenues, roads, lanes, walkways, and at times even alleys in a pattern of behavior some are coming to regard as disturbing. “It’s either part of some larger pedestrian plan that we’re only seeing in its broadest outlines or it’s some kind of sick addiction. Every day, the guy crosses 12 public byways before work, and that’s if he takes the most direct route to his place of employment. Then, for three to five hours, nothing. Under a thinly veiled pretense of getting lunch, he leaves the building and immediately walks to another intersection, waits for the light to change if necessary, and crosses, often in the company of other known pedestrians. And if you think that’s the last time he does so, I’m sorry, but you are simply deluding yourself. You should see the number of streets he crosses on his way home at night.” Sources speaking out on Jennings have asked to remain anonymous, noting that they live just a handful of street crossings away from the pedestrian.
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