LOS ANGELES—Concluding an exhaustive seven-year study of the lives of women in every American demographic, the Aretha Franklin Institute for Female Entrepreneurship concluded Tuesday that sisters are doin’ it for themselves. “After interviewing thousands of mothers, daughters, and their daughters too, the data indicate a rising trend in sisters not only doin’ it for themselves, but also standing on their own two feet while doing so,” said Institute spokeswoman Anna Ling, referencing the 300-page study, which shows a significant increase in women coming out of the kitchen, ringing on their own bells, and becoming doctors, lawyers, politicians too. “There was a time when some people believed that behind every man there had to be a great woman, but in these times of change, we can see that this is no longer true. Thanks to a generous donation provided by the Eurythmic Scholarship Foundation, we were able to speak with thousands of women across all ages, races, and economic backgrounds. There’s women right next to you, and no one is doing it for them. They’re all doing it for themselves.” Ling suggested that if anyone had any doubts about what sisters were doing, they should take a look around to educate themselves.

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