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Arlington National Cemetery Boosts Tourism By Adding Zip Line

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ARLINGTON, VA—In an effort to bring more visitors to the military burial site, officials at Arlington National Cemetery announced Wednesday they had added a zip line. “With holes in our budget and tourism numbers on the decline for years, we don’t see any reason why the new Arlington National Cemetery can’t inspire both feelings of reverence and wind-in-your-hair thrills,” said spokesperson Richard McGrath, who noted that cemetery guests could soar 60 feet in the air above the sea of white headstones and reach speeds of nearly 30 miles per hour, starting at an unbeatable price of just $59 per person. “We can acknowledge that, as is, the monument to the nation’s soldiers was starting to feel a little stale. Now it will serve as a tribute to the sacrifices of the troops as well as a family-friendly outdoor adventure. And for thrill-seekers seeking a little something extra, there’s even a high ropes course that takes you zigging and zagging over the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.” At press time, McGrath added that in 2025 the cemetery was hoping to install a dinosaur-themed miniature golf course.