WASHINGTON—Saying the cabinet official could be heard periodically muttering exclamations of surprise and amazement, sources at Harriet Tubman Elementary School told reporters that Education Secretary Arne Duncan spent the entirety of his visit Thursday sitting Indian-style on the floor of the library, completely engrossed in books about UFOs. “Hey, Mrs. Keck! Did you know that more than 6,000 people see a UFO every year?” an awestruck Duncan reportedly asked librarian Joanne Keck after finishing a book titled Mysteries Of The Cosmos: Extraterrestrials And Flying Saucers. “Do you have any books about alien abductions or Area 51? I heard they have a real alien skeleton there!” At press time, Duncan was drawing a flying saucer with Magic Markers and could be heard making the high-pitched sound of a tractor beam.

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