PHILADELPHIA—Despite browsing past dozens of headlines about current events on various websites and in his social media feeds, sources confirmed that the only news story area man William Dunbar has clicked on today has been an article about the return of Burger King Chicken Fries. “Oh, hey, what's this?” said Dunbar, who abruptly stopped scrolling and then quickly navigated away from reports on raging global conflicts, landmark Supreme Court decisions, and revolutionary scientific breakthroughs to instead learn more about the fry-shaped chicken-based snack. “Huh, wow. They’re back.” At press time, Dunbar was reportedly clicking on a second article about the same subject.

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