Artists Explain Why They Are Boycotting Spotify

“While on the surface it’s about vaccine misinformation, in reality it was always about Pono, my media player and download service for high-resolution audio. Ditch Spotify and join the Pono revolution! The future is Pono. The future is Pono. The future is Pono.”

“Integrity is very important to me, even if it means a funky high school dance instructor can’t use my songs for warm-ups anymore.”

“I’d prefer if my music was pirated.”

“They still haven’t featured any of my songs on their ‘Teen Party Music’ playlist.”

“All those sad, broken little twerps are going to eat my shit up wherever I go.”

“The stupid algorithm keeps recommending the same five songs to me over and over.”

“This way, if I ever meet Neil Young, I’ll have a good opener to talk to him.”

“Sorry, you must be mistaken. My music is still on Spotify because I think hateful and dangerous misinformation should be disseminated as widely as possible.”

“They refuse to put any of my new music on there. I keep sending them new tracks, but they just keep saying I’m dead.”

“As long as Spotify continues to allow Joe Rogan to spread vaccine misinformation, you’ll have to find all our spooky tracks of rattling chains, creaking doors, and evil laughs elsewhere.”

“While I respect his views, Joe Rogan isn’t downplaying the risks of getting Covid nearly enough for my liking, and until he does better, my music stays off Spotify.”

“I had a dream where there was a huge worm named Spotify, and I woke up shaking.”

“While we support robust debate and freedom of expression as enshrined in the Bill of Rights, Joe Rogan’s flippant misinformation amounts to a clear and present danger for both his credulous listeners and those unfortunate enough to come into contact with them.”

“The song is called ‘Let’s Get Retarded’, and Spotify’s listing otherwise is an egregious compromise of our artistic vision.”

“You know those lines on the green logo? Many people think they represent sound waves, but they’re actually supposed to symbolize baby back ribs. It’s reprehensible that Spotify would condone the vile practice of meat-eating.”

“Spotify removed most of our catalog for so-called copyright issues, but two can play at that game.”

“Both because of the Rogan stuff and because of a new sponsorship deal that makes my music only accessible through the Enterprise Car Rental app.”

“Any platform that carries any artist or entertainer other than KISS is disgusting and won’t get my support at all.”

“I’ve tried really hard to craft this progressive and inclusive public image, so fuck, I pretty much don’t have a choice, do I?”

“What? I’m not boycotting them. Did you guys get my music taken off there? What the fuck?!”