Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

While mason jars and metal straws may seem like a hot internet trend, there’s actually a larger movement of everyday people trying to eliminate waste from their lives entirely. You asked The Onion your most pressing questions about living a zero waste lifestyle, and we have the answers.

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

What can I as an individual do to cut down on emissions?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

Every little bit helps, as long as the person asking this question runs Exxon-Mobil.

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

How do I minimize my food waste?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

You’re gonna finish it, and you’re gonna like it.

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

How can I cut back on my gasoline usage?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

Use milk or creamer to mix your coffee with instead.

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

How can I order takeout while cutting down on waste?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

It will take some getting used to, but you can go to a local restaurant, order a meal, and sit down at the table to eat.

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

How do I go zero waste if I want to own a dog?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

While it’s tempting to go out and buy a brand new pup, it’s so much easier on the environment if you make your own out of the fur, skin, and bones you already have lying around the house.

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

What should I do with all my plastic?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

The ocean has a bunch of space it’s not using for anything.

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

Any tips for recycling?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

Wash and sort your glass, metal, plastics, and cardboard so they can be efficiently shipped to Asia and burned there.

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

What if I have a biodegradable...problem...of the...human variety?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

Let just say old man Porter has some hogs down by the creek and they’ll...do...an eco-friendly job.

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

Doesn’t compost smell really bad?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

You’re really looking for any excuse not to do this, huh?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

What items are truly necessary?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

Just the clothes on your back, a bottle of shine, and a trusty harmonica.

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

What’s the best way to prevent myself from making waste in the future?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Go Zero Waste

Die.

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