Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Score The Best Deal On Travel

Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Score The Best Deal On Travel

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With airlines and hotels beginning to open up at full capacity, there’s never been a better time to get major discounts on vacations. You asked The Onion your most pressing questions on travel deals, and we have the answers.

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Which are the most expensive months to travel?

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January through March, followed by April to June, then July to September, and finally, October, November, and December.

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What time of day are tickets the cheapest?

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Ah shit, you just missed it.

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How can I save on seat assignment fees?

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Go to your seat selection portal, click on “careers,” then select “flight attendant.”

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What’s the best website for finding travel deals?

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A good rule of thumb is to go by whichever one has the goofiest anthropomorphic animal in the ad.

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Can it be cheaper to get two one-way tickets instead of a round trip?

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It’s actually cheaper to buy a single one-way ticket and never look back.

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Are Economy seats worth the lower price?

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They seem like a good deal, but when you factor in the additional costs of checked baggage and a higher crime rate in coach, it’s not always worth it.

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Which airlines offer flexibility around booking and cancellations?

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Most airlines are willing to offer protection for the cost of an additional flight.

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Do you know anyone in Louisville I could maybe stay with?

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Our friend Steven lives outside the city, but we haven’t spoken to him in years so it would be kind of weird to ask.

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Is 29 too old for spring break?

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Yes, but we both know that’s not going to stop you.

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What is the most cost-effective way to travel with children?

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Cut an air hole in a suitcase and pack them in with a box of Gushers.

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What’s the best budget airline?

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Any airline that’s only had one to two crashes per year.

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How much does one of the lifetime unlimited airline tickets cost now?

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Illustration for article titled Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Score The Best Deal On Travel

Just get a private jet, show off.

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