NEW YORK—Urging animal owners to pay closer attention to the day-to-day psychological welfare of their pets, the ASPCA released a report Wednesday warning that many Americans are not giving their dogs the correct name. “We found that nearly 60 percent of canines are given a name that does not reflect who they really are,” said ASPCA president Matthew E. Bershadker, noting that an appalling number of dog owners still believe that a clear and obvious “Patches” could just as easily be a “Trousers.” “This is deeply troubling, as choosing the wrong name for a dog can quickly erode their sense of identity. Now, in most instances, these errant names are the result of simple ignorance—an owner simply mistaking a ‘Coco’ for a ‘Ralph’ or even a ‘Zeus’ for a ‘Kevin’—but, unfortunately, there are still dogs being named with malicious intent. This is especially the case with the name ‘Fido,’ which, as everyone knows, is actually a horrific slur.” The ASPCA specifically recommended that Great Dane owners think long and hard before naming their dog anything other than “Max.”

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