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Astronaut Buzz Aldrin Marries Longtime Hallucination Of Sexy Space Babe

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LOS ANGELES—In a small, private ceremony held in the most severely atrophied reaches of his mind, Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz Aldrin celebrated his 93rd birthday last week by marrying his longtime hallucination of a sexy space babe. “The first time I laid eyes on her she was posing all sexy in a space bikini right outside a window of the lunar module, and from that moment on, I just couldn’t resist,” said the second man to walk on the moon, describing his new space wife’s moon-dappled complexion, her silver-streaked hair like the tail of a comet, and her eight humongous breasts. “Let’s just say we used to kick up a little moondust from time to time down in those craters, if you catch my drift. She’s 63,000 years old, but I’ll be damned if she looks a day over 18. I’m a pretty traditional guy, so before asking for her hand in marriage, I traveled to the Andromeda galaxy to seek the permission of her father, Emperor Kron the Merciless, who is the eternal ruler of a star cluster out that way.” Aldrin went on to describe how, in the decades since they first met, his hot space lady had transcended her corporeal form and now mostly floated over his shoulder telling him to punch people in the face.