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Baseball Experts: Roger Clemens Too Old For Steroids

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SUGAR LAND, TX—Claiming the 50-year-old former star was past his prime, the nation’s baseball experts announced Tuesday that pitcher Roger Clemens was too old to make a comeback to steroids.“It’s admirable he’s trying to get back to what made him great, but shooting up at 50 can’t possibly compare to what guys half his age are getting from steroids” said Fox Sports baseball writer Ken Rosenthal, adding that many of the best young steroid users have been injecting HGH since middle school. “He may be one of the greatest dopers of all time, but he’s been away too long and knows nothing about the steroids of today.” Clemens vowed to prove the doubters wrong, insisting that he could still take performance enhancing drugs at a high-level.