Bath & Body Works Scientists Destroy Experimental Scent Unfit For Mankind

Illustration for article titled Bath  Body Works Scientists Destroy Experimental Scent Unfit For Mankind

COLUMBUS, OH—Saying the consequences of unleashing such a fragrance were too grave to even contemplate, Bath & Body Works scientists announced Friday that they had destroyed an experimental new scent after determining it was unfit for humankind. “We cannot in good conscience develop this potentially catastrophic fragrance into body scrub- or bath bead-form and allow it to be used on innocent civilians, and thus we have terminated our Cherry Blossom Night project effective immediately,” said Bath & Body Works chief scientist Craig Holzmann of the secret five-year-long program, stressing that, with its intoxicating notes of warm vanilla, Himalayan cedarwood, and Asian pear, the scent could far too easily be mishandled by human hands, resulting in unthinkable devastation. “For too long, our desire to advance the fields of sensuous scents and luscious lotions has blinded us to the very thing that made us human. Only now, after testing the very limits of olfactory enchantment, do we understand how foolhardy it was to ever believe man could responsibly wield such aromatic power.” Holzmann noted, however, that just enough Cherry Blossom Night for a single misting would be stored underground in a secure facility as a warning to future generations.


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