GARDEN CITY, SC—Struggling to propel his husky frame through the water with the correct momentum and timing needed to be carried toward shore, a beefy little boy on a boogie board at Garden City Beach reportedly missed his fourth wave in a row Monday afternoon. Witnesses confirmed that the little butterball, who reportedly began huffing and puffing after barely wading into the water up to his roly-poly waist, was seen heaving his entire fleshy stomach onto his board either a second too early or too late to catch the crest of each wave that came rolling by. Although the total chubster’s beady little eyes are said to have grown wide with anticipation at the sight of every oncoming wave, the porker’s practice of taking a huge breath, scrunching up his whole piggy face, and vaulting his hefty body forward had reportedly failed in all four attempts. After winding up just a few feet from his original position, reports indicate that the blubber boy would then spend several moments struggling to stand in the surf, hoist up his swim trunks, and toddle back to the spot where he had previously been standing in order to try again. At press time, the plump little tubbo was reportedly lumbering toward his towel, where his entire meaty face lit up at the sight of ice pops in his family’s cooler.

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