Best Ways To Make Friends As An Adult

Reap the rewards of a civil, mutually agreed-upon separation.

It was so effortless the first time around!

This may sound intense, but it’s still way easier than joining that neighborhood jogging group.

A tight-knit group of friends you get to travel the world with? Sign us up!

God, has it really come to this?

What’s wrong with you? Just be normal for once, okay? Is that so hard?

Let the friends you already have know that they’re not quite enough and ask if they have other friends you can connect with.

If you sense a friendship connection, fall to your knees and let the person know that they’re all that stands between you and death from sheer loneliness.

Other adults may be too busy, but friendship is a top priority for 11-year-olds.

You should be able to attract several new friends with just a few strategically placed cans of tuna on your front porch.

You’ll be getting dinner invitations in no time.

They might even let you come to the party!

Players who barely know each other report forming lasting bonds over just a few weeks of athletic dominance.

If even 1% of Colorado shows up, that’s still 57,000 people interested in socializing.

Constantly hanging around the same places that the person you want to befriend frequents will either result in a lifelong platonic connection or a restraining order.

Coworkers would be crazy to choose broken kneecaps over grabbing a beer and watching the game with you.

Sure you’ll eventually lose all your friends, but you can make new ones in prison.

Have a lot of them, the friends will come.

People will be intrigued by how mysterious you seem and will want to talk to you.

You can be twice the friend Melissa is.

A companion ticket to St. Barts should be enough for most people to look past your abhorrent personality.

Gather enough clay to form the rough shape of a human adult, and God may answer your prayers by breathing the breath of life into your hideous monstrosity.

Loyalty is hard to come by, so if you show up with some nice pelts and prostrate yourself, you’ll get noticed for sure.

It’s tempting, isn’t it?