WASHINGTON—Calling the cabinet choice a “perfect symbol of unity,” President-elect Joe Biden announced at a press conference Monday that his administration’s Secretary of Health and Human Services nominee would be a ring of diverse children holding hands. “Starting January 20, the Department of Health and Human Services will be helmed by 10 elementary school-age boys and girls locked arm in arm, standing in a circle, and dancing around a globe,” said Biden, adding that the smiling Caucasian, African American, Asian, and Hispanic children beat out hundreds of career politicians because together, they represented a global idea of harmony and love. “Over the last four years, President Trump has worked to destabilize the American government, and these smiling children, dressed in all the colors of the rainbow, will bring us together. I assure the American people, once you hear them sing ‘I’d Like To Buy The World A Coke,’ your faith in our country will be restored.” At press time, Biden was under fire after evidence surfaced that the children had fervently supported the Iraq War despite their motto of “world peace for all.”
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