Biden’s Plans For His First 100 Days

Illustration for article titled Biden’s Plans For His First 100 Days

Following his inauguration, speculation has turned to what President Joe Biden will do with his first 100 days in office. The Onion takes a deep dive into the first 100 days of the Biden administration.

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Day 1: Rejoin World Health Organization’s 5k Family Fun Run.

Day 4: Return misprinted T-shirts that say “Build Back Butter.”

Day 9: Repeal Obamacare.

Day 18: Close old gun law loopholes to allow room for growth of new gun law loopholes.

Day 32: Whip the White House softball team back into shape.

Day 41: Pass bipartisan plan to raise minimum wage to $15 an hour by compromising with Republicans to change an hour to 185 minutes.

Day 55: Mild heart attack.

Day 73: Organize summit to urge sun and clouds to do more to stop climate change.

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Day 89: Dig up the time capsule that he and Barack buried.

Day 100: Ensure he has comprehensive excuses for his failures despite the Democratic trifecta.

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