Biden’s Plans For His First 100 Days

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Following his inauguration, speculation has turned to what President Joe Biden will do with his first 100 days in office. The Onion takes a deep dive into the first 100 days of the Biden administration.

Day 1: Rejoin World Health Organization’s 5k Family Fun Run.

Day 4: Return misprinted T-shirts that say “Build Back Butter.”

Day 9: Repeal Obamacare.

Day 18: Close old gun law loopholes to allow room for growth of new gun law loopholes.


Day 32: Whip the White House softball team back into shape.

Day 41: Pass bipartisan plan to raise minimum wage to $15 an hour by compromising with Republicans to change an hour to 185 minutes.


Day 55: Mild heart attack.

Day 73: Organize summit to urge sun and clouds to do more to stop climate change.


Day 89: Dig up the time capsule that he and Barack buried.

Day 100: Ensure he has comprehensive excuses for his failures despite the Democratic trifecta.