WASHINGTON—Smiling coyly as entrées were set on the table for the first family Monday night, President Biden is said to have casually mentioned to White House executive chef Cristeta Comerford that it was his birthday in an attempt to scam a free dessert. “You’ve really out done yourself, Cris—I don’t think I could have asked for a better birthday dinner,” said the president, whose real birthday is Nov. 20, winking at Jill Biden in an attempt to get her to go along with the ruse, which he reportedly hoped would score him a fudge brownie and scoop of ice cream with the compliments of White House executive pastry chef Susan Morrison. “Not that I want the whole kitchen staff to come out here clapping their hands and singing to me or anything—ha, ha, ha. It is ol’ Joey’s big day, though.” At press time, sources reported Biden was attempting to use the same trick to convince the first lady to relent and have sex with him.
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