FORT MEYERS BEACH, FL—After surveying the devastation of Hurricane Ian along the Florida Gulf Coast, President Joe Biden held a press event Friday at which he tried to hammer a ceremonial board into the sand to kick off the area’s rebuilding efforts. “Well, that should do it,” said the president, who attempted to hammer a nail directly through the center of a piece of plywood into the porous, shifting side of a dune and then, after giving up, dropped to his hands and knees and buried the bottom half of the board in the sand, jiggling the top to test its stability. “For the Martinez family, who were tragically displaced by the storm and unable to join us for today’s ceremony, this will serve as a cornerstone, the foundation of a brand-new home. Well, that’s enough talking. If you need me, I’ll be around back digging a hole in the sand that they can maybe use as a pool or a hot tub.” At press time, Biden had reportedly waded 40 yards into the Gulf of Mexico to get started on the next house.