WASHINGTON—In a heartwarming and touching end to the story of two soulmates, sources confirmed Thursday that President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump died two minutes apart holding hands. “Only minutes before their deaths, they requested that their hospital beds be pushed together—it’s like they knew what was coming,” said Marlene Kato, a nurse who confirmed that medical staff at Walter Reed Medical Center, where the two presidents spent their final hours together, were stunned when Biden died at 8:05 p.m. and Trump followed at 8:07. “They were rivals in life, but they came together with love in death. They were both very weak, but turned their heads to face each other and smiled. Biden said, ‘You were the only one who ever got me,’ and Trump said, ‘I know.’ I started tearing up right there and then. It was just so beautiful. Then they used their final breaths to request a shared burial plot at the Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster.” At press time, a coroner’s report revealed that Trump had strangled Biden and then succumbed to a heart attack two minutes later.
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