While polyamory is growing in popularity, the practice of dating multiple partners is often still widely misunderstood. Here are the most common misconceptions people have about polyamorous relationships.
The STDs They Get Are Cooler
Unfortunately, they just get HPV like everyone else.
It’s The Same As A 20-Person Fuckpile
A polyamorous relationship is a fuckpile with deeper emotional commitments.
Your Girlfriend’s Into The Idea
No amount of wanting to date your coworker is gonna make this happen, bud.
You’ll Get Stuck Together
Although there are rules and sometimes complex dynamics, people in poly relationships rarely get their limbs inseparably entangled.
Humans Are Capable Of Loving People Other Than Themselves
We’re not sure how many more times this has to be disproven before people start accepting that it is impossible.
It’s Hard To Keep Track Of All Your Relationships
Most polyamorous people easily keep track using a spreadsheet where they rank partners by genital size.
If You Die In A Polyamorous Relationship, Your Partners Will Inherit Your Genitals
The genitals of the deceased always go to the primary partner.
You Need To Register As A Vehicle With The DMV
This only applies if you are traveling over 1,000 miles yearly to seek out other sexual partners.
Polyamorous People Have Multiple Partners
Most find it impossible to even find one.
Everybody Shares Everything
Turns out it’s technically illegal to transfer several billion dollars of your customers’ deposits to your failing investment fund.
You Need A Dog To Stand Guard Against Onlookers
Plenty of modern-day polyamorists use digital security systems to thwart anyone hoping to get a glimpse of an open relationship in action.
It’s Sponsored By Slim Jims
Polyamory hasn’t had an official sponsor in over 20 years, and its last sponsor was Jack Link’s beef jerky.
Polyamorous People Have Way More Sex
Most only have sex the standard 12 times a day.
It’s Tediously Hierarchical
Poly relationships aren’t hierarchical just because they must have an alpha, four betas, 12 drones, and 27 sub-drones.
That It Means Dating Partners With Multiple Heads
A common, but false, misunderstanding.
Polyamory Killed Natalie Wood
There’s simply no hard evidence indicating that’s what happened.
You Get A Reality TV Show Right Off The Bat
This offer is only available to the best-looking polyamorous people.
It’s More Fun
All relationships are sheer misery.