When working in an office setting, it’s important to leave your genitals at the door. Here are the biggest reasons not to sleep with a coworker.
You Work In Finance
No one should ever have to sleep with anyone in finance.
Feelings Could Get In The Way Of Protecting The QB From A Blind-Side Pass Rush
More than hearts can get broken out there on the gridiron.
Could Feel Pressured To Start Carpooling
Letting your coworker stay overnight during the week is one thing, but it could lead to a serious, uncomfortable conversation about carpooling to save money.
You’ll Start To Enjoy Going To Work
Don’t become one of those people who actually looks forward to going to their job each day because they get to see someone they’re sleeping with there.
Your Work Employs People Like You
If they were really smart or attractive, they’d be somewhere else by now.
HR May Be Forced To Kill One Of You
You did read the employee code of conduct, right?
Distraction From Job Duties
Yeah, you wouldn’t want to jeopardize the job that’s slowly killing you for a mind-blowing taboo fuckfest.
Your Wife Will Hate It
Oh, she knows about you and that slut, and she’s going to wring your flirtatious little necks.
You’re Already Sleeping With Another Coworker, Remember?
One is fine, but two is just plain stupid.
Could Make Unjustly Firing Them More Difficult
Once emotions get involved, it can make unnecessary downsizing that much more challenging.
They’re Always Calling Out Sick With STDs
You might want to avoid having sex with coworkers who consistently come down with super-resistant gonorrhea.
You Could Be Named Your Office’s ‘Slut Of The Month’
It’s pretty embarrassing to be shamed with your picture in the company newsletter.
A healthy economy requires a large gene pool.
It Could Hurt Your Chances Of Advancement
Because let’s face it, you’re really bad at sex.
You Only Date Coworkers When Shonda Rhimes Decides It’s Time
It’s only season two. Be patient.
It’s Awkward For Other Coworkers To Watch You 69 In A Meeting
The two of you might think you’re being subtle, but it’s quite obvious that you’re sucking each other’s genitals under the table.
You’re Likely Both Carriers Of The Same Recessive Alleles
You both somehow managed to end up in the same dead-end dump of an office, so fornicating is at least a bit dangerous.
You’ll Need To Sleep With All Your Coworkers Now
Fair is fair.
Could Get Promoted
You barely manage the workload you have now.
It’s not worth all the work of locating their grave and digging up the body just to rekindle your office romance.
You Could Get Secretions In The Taco Meat
There’s a reason the Taco Bell corporate handbook expressly forbids it.
The Big Case Is Tomorrow, And You’ve Still Got So Much Work
There’s still stacks and stacks of papers to read through!
Do something original for once in your life, like having sex with a family member.
Bible Forbids It
Jesus died because he hooked up with a coworker on the same product development team.
Your Training Modules Told You Not To
Did your digital workplace-conduct course teach you nothing?
It’s A Lateral Move
Fuck up the ladder, not sideways.
Jay Leno Will Mock You Ruthlessly
The man will spend half the ’90s unfairly ridiculing you like you’re some kind of slut.
You Might Fall In Love