Biggest Reasons Not To Sleep With A Coworker

Biggest Reasons Not To Sleep With A Coworker

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When working in an office setting, it’s important to leave your genitals at the door. Here are the biggest reasons not to sleep with a coworker.

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You Work In Finance

You Work In Finance

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No one should ever have to sleep with anyone in finance.

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Feelings Could Get In The Way Of Protecting The QB From A Blind-Side Pass Rush

Feelings Could Get In The Way Of Protecting The QB From A Blind-Side Pass Rush

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More than hearts can get broken out there on the gridiron.

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Could Feel Pressured To Start Carpooling

Could Feel Pressured To Start Carpooling

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Letting your coworker stay overnight during the week is one thing, but it could lead to a serious, uncomfortable conversation about carpooling to save money.

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You’ll Start To Enjoy Going To Work

You’ll Start To Enjoy Going To Work

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Don’t become one of those people who actually looks forward to going to their job each day because they get to see someone they’re sleeping with there.

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Your Work Employs People Like You

Your Work Employs People Like You

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If they were really smart or attractive, they’d be somewhere else by now.

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​HR May Be Forced To Kill One Of You

​HR May Be Forced To Kill One Of You

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You did read the employee code of conduct, right?

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Distraction From Job Duties

Distraction From Job Duties

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Yeah, you wouldn’t want to jeopardize the job that’s slowly killing you for a mind-blowing taboo fuckfest.

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Your Wife Will Hate It

Your Wife Will Hate It

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Oh, she knows about you and that slut, and she’s going to wring your flirtatious little necks.

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You’re Already Sleeping With Another Coworker, Remember?

You’re Already Sleeping With Another Coworker, Remember?

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One is fine, but two is just plain stupid.

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Could Make Unjustly Firing Them More Difficult

Could Make Unjustly Firing Them More Difficult

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Once emotions get involved, it can make unnecessary downsizing that much more challenging.

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They’re Always Calling Out Sick With STDs

They’re Always Calling Out Sick With STDs

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You might want to avoid having sex with coworkers who consistently come down with super-resistant gonorrhea.

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You Could Be Named Your Office’s ‘Slut Of The Month’

You Could Be Named Your Office’s ‘Slut Of The Month’

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It’s pretty embarrassing to be shamed with your picture in the company newsletter.

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Workplace Inbreeding

Workplace Inbreeding

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A healthy economy requires a large gene pool.

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It Could Hurt Your Chances Of Advancement

It Could Hurt Your Chances Of Advancement

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Because let’s face it, you’re really bad at sex.

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You Only Date Coworkers When Shonda Rhimes Decides It’s Time

You Only Date Coworkers When Shonda Rhimes Decides It’s Time

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It’s only season two. Be patient.

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It’s Awkward For Other Coworkers To Watch You 69 In A Meeting

It’s Awkward For Other Coworkers To Watch You 69 In A Meeting

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The two of you might think you’re being subtle, but it’s quite obvious that you’re sucking each other’s genitals under the table.

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You’re Likely Both Carriers Of The Same Recessive Alleles

You’re Likely Both Carriers Of The Same Recessive Alleles

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You both somehow managed to end up in the same dead-end dump of an office, so fornicating is at least a bit dangerous.

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You’ll Need To Sleep With All Your Coworkers Now

You’ll Need To Sleep With All Your Coworkers Now

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Fair is fair.

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Could Get Promoted

Could Get Promoted

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You barely manage the workload you have now.

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They Died

They Died

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It’s not worth all the work of locating their grave and digging up the body just to rekindle your office romance.

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You Could Get Secretions In The Taco Meat

You Could Get Secretions In The Taco Meat

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There’s a reason the Taco Bell corporate handbook expressly forbids it.

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The Big Case Is Tomorrow, And You’ve Still Got So Much Work

The Big Case Is Tomorrow, And You’ve Still Got So Much Work

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There’s still stacks and stacks of papers to read through!

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Cliché

Cliché

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Do something original for once in your life, like having sex with a family member.

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Bible Forbids It

Bible Forbids It

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Jesus died because he hooked up with a coworker on the same product development team.

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Your Training Modules Told You Not To

Your Training Modules Told You Not To

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Did your digital workplace-conduct course teach you nothing?

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It’s A Lateral Move

It’s A Lateral Move

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Fuck up the ladder, not sideways.

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Jay Leno Will Mock You Ruthlessly

Jay Leno Will Mock You Ruthlessly

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The man will spend half the ’90s​ unfairly ridiculing you like you’re some kind of slut.

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You Might Fall In Love

You Might Fall In Love

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Tacky.

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