Biggest Winners And Losers From The Midterm Elections

Rapists, murderers, and drug addicts were seen dancing and shooting up illegal substances outside state capitol buildings in New York and California to celebrate their huge political gains at the state level.

Even though he beat Democratic challenger Michael Franken, 89-year-old Grassley has all but sealed his tragic fate of dying in office.

People who spent the past few months debating the political leanings of Latino voters got a huge win, giving them the green light to continue being weird about the demographic’s political leanings well into 2024.

After the race between Herschel Walker and Raphael Warnock officially went to a runoff, Walker was reportedly seen cursing out and then apologizing to an invisible man known only as “coach.”

The man who makes Gavin Newsom’s hair wet each morning is about to get a bonus, and will only see his stock continue to rise when the California governor inevitably announces his 2024 presidential run.

Obama’s willingness to hit the road and stump for vulnerable Democratic candidates sadly showed just how fraught his current career as a podcaster really is.

Right, left, or center, if you had a steamy hot bowl of gumbo for supper Tuesday night, you came out on top.

In a final twist of the knife after a tough gubernatorial race, book sales for Brian Kemp’s erotic novels outsold Stacey Abram’s by 7 points.

After running to the polls to “vote” and feel like they have power, all the little sheep went home to watch their little streaming shows, eat their fast food, and consume all manner of societal opiates, keeping the flock passive and ripe for slaughter.

Wasn’t up for reelection, but just look at the guy.

If they hadn’t been denied the critical healthcare that would have saved their young lives, these women would definitely be proud that three states enshrined the right to an abortion in their constitutions.

Why did he suddenly stop texting? Calling? He spent all that time writing you emails and taking your money, and then suddenly he disappears?

With a bunch of his endorsed candidates losing their races, Trump was able to spend a glorious night doing his favorite thing: bitching and moaning to a bunch of sycophants.

She simply can’t understand how such a smart, handsome, articulate candidate like Beto could lose.

Mmm, oh yeah. Look at those babies flutter.

Jesus Christ, man. A runoff against Herschel Walker?

The newly divorced Greene was reportedly pleased to learn that the midterms would bring several new eligible right-wing bachelors to Congress.

A Senate win condemns this coastal elite to six years of interacting with the disgusting residents of Appalachia.

Look, you can click on Colorado, and Wyoming, and even Iowa too!

Ran on appealing to the most racist beliefs of American bigots and still only won his state by a percentage point.

With both John Fetterman and J.B. Pritzker making decisive wins for Democrats, it’s been a huge year for girth in America.

Kentucky, Michigan, and Vermont were just a few of the places where God’s message was shot down.

The money spent on the 2022 midterms successfully elected a U.S. Congress and thousands of candidates to state offices.

The 246-year losing streak continues.