SEATTLE—In partnership with local governments across the globe, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation announced Friday a new $17 billion initiative to eradicate all third-world Mac users by 2040. “Impoverished nations have for too long suffered the devastation wrought by Mac users, but we believe that with proper funding and support, this scourge can be eliminated within our lifetime,” said Bill Gates, lamenting that the number of Mac users in developing countries has exploded by 500% since first appearing in 1998. “No one, no matter their circumstance, should be forced to live amongst Mac users. If we work together, we can exterminate this plague and provide our children a happy, healthy future free of iOS users.” Gates added that perhaps one day, Mac users would be something children could only learn about in history books.

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