SANTA CRUZ, CA—Lamenting that the iconic hero’s good run had come to an end, local man Eugene Edgars told reporters Tuesday that DC’s recent announcement of Superman’s bisexuality had completely ruined the comics for him as he preferred the character’s smoldering homoerotic undertones. “Man, I miss when Superman’s sexual attraction to males was there just bubbling below the surface rather than this overblown crap kowtowing to the woke mob,” said Edgars, recounting that whether “The Man of Steel” was lusting after Lex Luthor, Jimmy Olsen, or Brainiac, it was always way more exciting when he had to grapple with these all-consuming feelings of sexual desire knowing they could never be acted upon. “It’s sad we’re not going to have anymore of those knowing glances between him and Perry White, or those moments when his hand accidentally brushes up against Pete Ross. Now that they’ve gone and spelled it all out, it definitely loses a lot of its mystery and excitement.” Edgars reportedly took solace in the fact that he still could return to his Green Lantern comics.
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